How to Help

When friends or family lose someone they love
or have a dream taken away, they feel pain at the loss.

How can you help? Usually, not by fixing it... or them.
What most people who hurt say is:
I just want someone to talk to.

Can you do that?

It's not OUR EYES that matter, but THEIRS.
What do they see? What do they feel?

Ask: How is my friend speaking about their loss?
Ask them: What died for you?

Then reflect their answers back. Use their words.
Resist the urge to share a story of your own.
Or to solve the problem of their pain.

You cannot relate.
And even if you can. This is their pain.
Loving is not talking but taking.
Accept what they give.
Accept who they are.

Christians follow Jesus example.
And our Lord did not stand TALL, he got LOW.
He knelt before his friends and washed their feet.
So can we.

We can:
Listen rather than Tell.
Observe more than Act.
Wait before we can Lead.
do nothing and not Leave.

Pay attention to when people say the loss and grief began.
Give them permission to 'Be o.k. where they are.'

There's a great story in Bible called Job.
His friends came and just sat with him
when his entire world fell apart.

And that was enough.
But then they decided his 'time was up.'
He needed to 'get over the grief'
and realize he was 'part of the problem.'

But people are not the problem
and Job's friends should have kept their mouths shut.

So, God had to come down and talk to them.
And tell them to ask Job to pray for them!
Because they had really missed the point
of just being a friend.